Written by Scott McKirdy, MC — Registered Psychologist, Managing Partner (Operations) and Co-Founder, College of Alberta Psychologists. Scott’s work focuses on adult autism assessments, life transitions, and parenting — bringing both a clinical and a parent’s perspective to questions about when a child might benefit from support. View Scott’s profile >>
As a parent, you spend more time watching your child than anyone else. You notice the changes in mood, the reluctance to go to school, the reaction that feels bigger than the situation warrants. Sometimes those things pass and sometimes they don’t.
If you’ve found yourself wondering whether your child might benefit from talking to someone, you’re not alone. The fact that you’re asking the question at all is worth taking seriously. This post walks through the signs that therapy might help, what tends to get better with support, and what to do if you decide to reach out.
What Child Therapy Actually Is
Before looking at signs, it helps to understand what child therapy actually involves.
For younger children especially, therapy isn’t primarily about sitting and talking. Children don’t have the emotional vocabulary or the developmental capacity to discuss their inner world the way adults do. Instead, child therapists use play therapy, art, sandtray, games, and creative activity to help children express and process what’s going on for them. The therapist observes, follows the child’s lead, and gently guides the work.
For older children approaching adolescence, sessions become more conversational — but the pace is always set by the child, and building trust comes before anything else. For teenagers aged 13 and over, our teen therapy page covers what’s different about working with adolescents.
Signs Your Child Might Benefit From Therapy
No single sign means your child definitely needs therapy. What you’re looking for are things that persist, that are affecting daily life, or that feel out of proportion to what’s happening. Here are the most common signs parents notice:
Changes in behaviour that don’t have an obvious explanation: A child who was generally settled becoming defiant, aggressive, or withdrawn. A child who used to be sociable becoming clingy or avoidant. Behaviour is often how children communicate what they can’t put into words, and a sustained change in behaviour is worth paying attention to.
Persistent anxiety or worry: Some level of worry is normal in childhood. But when anxiety is affecting sleep, causing physical symptoms like stomach aches or headaches, leading to avoidance of school or social situations, or reacting in ways that feel disproportionate to the situation, it’s worth getting some support. Anxiety in children responds well to therapy, and the earlier it’s addressed, the less entrenched it tends to become.
Emotional outbursts that feel out of proportion: Big reactions to small things. Meltdowns that seem to come from nowhere. Difficulty calming down once upset. These can be signs that a child is feeling more than they’re able to manage, and that they need help building the emotional regulation skills to cope.
Withdrawal from friends, family, or activities: When a child stops wanting to do things they used to enjoy, pulls away from friendships, or becomes increasingly isolated, it can signal depression, anxiety, or something difficult they’re trying to process. Withdrawal is easy to miss because it doesn’t cause the same disruption as behavioural acting out.
Difficulty at school: A sudden drop in academic performance, difficulty concentrating, problems with peers or teachers, or refusal to go to school can all be connected to emotional or psychological distress. Children who are struggling emotionally often can’t access learning the way they otherwise would. If school difficulties are accompanied by concerns about attention or learning, a child psychoeducational assessment can help identify what’s going on.
Sleep disturbances: Difficulty falling asleep, frequent waking, nightmares, or resistance to going to bed can all be signs of anxiety or stress. Sleep is usually one of the first things affected when a child is struggling.
Regression: Returning to behaviours associated with an earlier developmental stage – bedwetting after being dry, baby talk, separation anxiety in a child who was previously independent. Regression is often a response to stress or a significant change, and can be a signal that a child needs more support than they’re currently getting.
Talking about or showing signs of self-harm: Any mention of hurting themselves, or visible signs of self-harm, should be taken seriously and followed up with a professional promptly. This applies even if it seems like attention-seeking — the behaviour itself is a signal that something needs addressing.
After a significant event or loss: Bereavement, parental separation, a move, a new sibling, a traumatic experience — big events affect children in ways that aren’t always immediately visible. If your child has been through something significant and you’ve noticed a change, child therapy can provide a space for them to process it at their own pace.
A general sense that something isn’t right: Sometimes there’s no specific sign — just a persistent feeling as a parent that your child isn’t quite themselves, and that what you’re doing isn’t quite reaching them. That instinct is worth following up.
What Doesn’t Mean Your Child Needs Therapy
It’s also worth being clear about what isn’t necessarily a reason for concern.
Normal developmental phases (tantrums in toddlers, moodiness in pre-teens, testing limits) are part of growing up and don’t automatically warrant therapy. Children also have bad weeks, difficult periods after changes, and days where they’re just hard to be around, and that’s normal
The question is always whether something is persisting, intensifying, or significantly affecting your child’s daily life and wellbeing. A single bad week is different from three months of withdrawal and declining school performance.
How to Talk to Your Child About Therapy
If you’ve decided you want to explore therapy for your child, how you introduce it matters. A few things that tend to help:
Be honest and straightforward: Children can usually tell when something is being dressed up or minimised. A simple explanation (“I’ve found someone for you to talk to, someone whose job is to help kids with big feelings”) is usually better than an elaborate cover story.
Don’t frame it as a consequence or punishment: Therapy shouldn’t be something that happens to a child because they’ve been difficult. Framing it as support (something you’re doing because you love them and want them to feel better) makes a real difference to how they engage.
Normalise it: Many children worry that going to therapy means something is seriously wrong with them. Letting them know that lots of children see therapists, and that it’s a place to talk about feelings can reduce that anxiety.
Answer their questions honestly: Children often want to know what will happen, whether they have to talk, and whether you’ll find out what they say. Honest answers to those questions, including a clear explanation of how confidentiality works, help them feel safer going in.
Don’t force it, but don’t make it optional either: Some resistance is normal and doesn’t mean therapy won’t work. It usually helps to be matter-of-fact about it — this is happening, it’s going to be okay, and you’ll be there.
What Happens in Child Therapy at Solasta
At Solasta, child therapy sessions are one-on-one with a trained therapist in NW Calgary, for children aged 3 to 12. Sessions take place in comfortable therapy offices or our dedicated playroom, depending on your child’s age and what works best for them.
Before your child’s first session, we meet with you as parents. We want to understand what you’ve been noticing, your child’s history, and what you’re hoping therapy can do. You’ll receive regular updates throughout on progress and themes, and practical strategies to support what’s happening in sessions at home and at school.
No referral is needed. A free consultation call is available to help you figure out whether therapy is the right next step and find the right therapist for your child.
